7 things to do in 7 weeks before 7 weeks of travelling…

1. Clean ALL the things.  (Declutter some of them.)  Eat ALL the food.
2. Write a webcomic with the youngest kid as a mother/kid hobby project.  Kind of started on this.  The youngest has an account on deviant art and writes little comic stuff on there and the oldest is more of a real artist.  That’s a picture of his below that I have to get framed one of these days.
3. 

Install engineered hardwood floor in office.

4.  Plant things.  I was looking at my neighbour’s gutters and there’s some really nice little trees sprouting in there.  A frugal person could transplant them…  Nah, I’m going to stalk the new neighbourhoods on my bike with the dog and take pictures of people’s landscaping to figure out how to do this stuff.  Maybe get some tips from 101 centavos if he would be so kind.

5.  Re-learn how to write fiction.

6.  Conquer the dog’s bridge phobia to help mommy and Sparky get in shape for summer – and save money!  Here’s a picture of the swinging bridge that led to this phobia 2 summers ago.  Going across the first time was okay, but he had to swim back to the other side.  He’s been psychologically broken ever since.  And we live in a city where you can’t really get anywhere unless you go over or under bridges.

Thermopolis Wyoming swinging bridge

7.  Administrivia – set stock alerts… volunteer at Canada Day rodeo (ooh, I hope I get to tend bar this year!)… bank a/c & bills stuff…

Oh, and maybe plan the trip a little bit this time instead of just getting in and driving in the general direction of the ocean.  Although that works too.

How do I love thee? Let me count the posts.
I love thee to the depth and breadth and height
My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight
For the ends of Being and ideal Grace.
I love thee to the level of everyday’s
Most quiet need, by sun and candle-light.
I love thee freely, as men strive for Right;
I love thee purely, as they turn from Praise.
I love thee with a passion put to use
In my old griefs, and with my childhood’s faith.
I love thee with a love I seemed to lose
With my lost saints, — I love thee with the breath,
Smiles, tears, of all my life! — and, if God choose,
I shall but love thee better after death.

Best personal finance blog ever.

Joshua Kennon

(Poem by Elizabeth Barrett Browning)

J’s definition of re-tired (which bears no resemblance to retirement as (not) defined by NicoleandMaggie):

Being re-tired of a job is when you’ve learned all (or enough) about a job, have all the processes spiffed up and automated and the game comes down to “how fast can you get it done and out of the way.”  One can actually time themselves and try to beat their previous score.  Sometimes one can get paid quite a bit to do this.

The downside is that the ubiquitous “they” always want one to continue to do this because “you’re so good at it”.  What “they” don’t understand though is that one doesn’t actually enjoy *doing* the processes, it’s the process of making the process that one enjoys.  So one gets re-tired of a job.

Barbara Sher has written the book(s) (literally!) on the plight of the Scanner.

Here’s a couple that I’ve read and recommend if you have this problem / gift:

I Could Do Anything If I Only Knew What It Was

Refuse to Choose

And an article:  Are you a scanner?

University was a bit odd for me because I was intensely interested in everything.  Fortunately with electives, I could take a little bit of everything – and did.  I majored in what was the most practical because I had a kid to support and all that.  So a staple career is probably a good thing for these types.  At least learning about new companies all the time can keep you from going batty.

Yet I think that scanners really come into their own when they’re older and can start bringing their interests into their chosen profession.  Interested in psychology?  That will help when you become a manager.  Interested in creative writing?  That helps when you write offering memorandums or annual reports. 

Then you can turn around and use something like your accounting knowledge to become a better investor.  Well, except that sometimes it backfires on you when you think other accountants follow crazy rules like GAAP revenue recognition principles – damn you Poseidon!

It also gets expensive if you’re into buying books on the interest du jour instead of food thing.  Thank goodness for the library and I speak from experience – don’t do that.

Did I mention I’m done the current job in 25 working days?    Hey, I’m an accountant (among many other labels) – I count!   On the TBR (to be read) list is:

• technical analysis
• value investing
• creative writing
• biotech
• RV-ing
• wine making
• landscaping and gardening
• loads of other things

And I will posit that real retirement – defined by me as no intent to earn income from any kind of work unless you’re a Diver in which case you’ll probably do what you used to do only for free – is probably a lot easier for a Scanner than it is for a retired Diver like my father whose interest was/is:

• cattle

We’ve all heard the phrase “Where there’s a will, there’s a way.” That’s more about finding your “big why”.

In Michael Neill’s audio program Effortless Success:  How to get what you want and have a great time doing it (I *love love love* this CD set and have listened to it dozens of times), he talks about how sometimes “Where there’s a way, there’s a will.”

More than a dozen years ago when I first read Your Money or Your Life – I saw that there was a way.  I saw that there was a path to freedom and if other people had done it, so could I.  Single parent schmingle parent – I just had to figure out how to make as much or more money as most two income families.  It turned out to be easy to do.  I kind of kick myself for not figuring that out earlier.

Years later, I lurked on the Early-retirement forums, read Philip Greenspun’s stuff, devoured Cashing in on the American Dream (which I traded to Jacob at ERE for a copy of his book…), read Dianne Nahirny’s Stop Working … Start Living.  Loads of other books on downshifting etc.  Basically found my own middle path somewhere along the way that wasn’t extreme, but fit my “still like my profession but only when doing jobs I like” kind of way.

My big issue at the time (still is to some extent) is that I have “Respect my authoritah issues”.  Sometimes in a cut-off-your-nose-to-spite-your-face kind of way.  I suspect it comes from growing up in a very authoritarian household since all 5 of my brothers have the same issue and all of them are far worse with this authority thing than I am.

Now this can be a good thing.  What else is financial independence other than being able to say “F-You” if you don’t like something?

But at some point that attitude wasn’t helping me reach my goals.

There’s one thing I know – if you don’t like authority, then you’d better be damn practical and self-motivating.  Sort of like Paula at Afford Anything.  But if you’re not practical and self-motivating, it’s good to know that you can learn how to be.   I knew that I had to learn how to respect authoritah in order to reach my goals and have no regrets on learning how to play well with others.  Well, unless they have pointy hair. 

Thanks to “where there’s a way, there’s a will”, my oldest son is all fired up to buy his first place.  Hooray!

Here was the way for him:

• seeing a friend of his at about the same age and same income buy a condo
• knowing he had 50% of the CMHC-fee-free downpayment saved already through the automatic-off-the-top-savings he’s been doing
• knowing he could hook up a roommate very easily to pay 1/2 or more of the cost.  Much better to have roommates when you’re young and adaptable to living with other people.
• having a job that allows him to work overtime which he’s been doing the last couple of months on autopilot – easy peasy since nobody else at his workplace wants to do that.  Also having the drive to do what needs to be done helps – even if that means working 2-3 jobs like he did last year.
• running a mortgage calculator or two with me and seeing that the payments are easily affordable for him at today’s interest rates
• And I’ve got his back.  If he’s a bit short when the time comes, I can cover it.  Even better than F-U money is Help-U money.

Most of all though, I strongly believe that we all need goals to work towards.  So I’m just excited that the kid’s excited about this next step to his own financial freedom.

This was fun.  I took a Simple Dollar article – something about price books I think, translated it multiple times on google translate and here’s what came out:

Surprisingly, there are many competing food there. You can save traders basement door, big and small, out of the store, a small grocery store, healthy foods, HY-VEE, you can find all kinds of products from grocery stores.

Fareway more than myself, I was grocery shopping, I shop. Deals Fareway grocery stores – they clean up signs and grocery bags. Their selection is sometimes hit and miss, but it usually takes to get there, you have all the products, and other items they find. However, when buying at Fareway, I always feel really good in math – the total number is usually very low.

Now some of the local ethnic grocery store, catalog shopping sometimes (most of us ever close to Sam’s Club), and it is complementary. Obviously, because they use a discount store, always took us to the store to look around, but we rarely buy store sounds expensive. It is really expensive.

That wasn’t nearly as funny as taking a piece of Control Your Cash’s post about TSD and translating it (holy crap, that sounds like some of the spam comments I get):

However, this is not your event (Oh, God), but even if he is too lazy to look up the dictionary and / or a fool.

Late abortion, or a web site, the most terrible part of the early post-natal baby alone in the middle of the night chat session invented what Ronaiah Tuiasosopo guard of the United States as his fake “readers pouch” mind dull.

Correspondence general reader error – this is not a big problem, but at least most of the newspaper to the recommendations of the substitutes of his problems. Trent. Hodgepodge, board games, or just feel a penny handle 500, if it is not, we are not interested in boys. Watching it all.

I just had some pizza for lunch.  In a fit of rebellion after reading The Onion’s article Mom hasn’t ordered favorite pizza topping in over a decade, I bought a pizza with green stuff on it.  The boys will only eat pepperoni.  Unfortunately, after a couple of bites, I remembered that I don’t actually like pizza.  And the boys won’t eat it.  That’s not good value. 

The dog won’t eat it either.  Maybe if I covered it in cat treats.

This insult from an animal that in his latest puke session came up with – according to my son – “one whole rawhide piece, one unchewed chicken tender and a piece of plastic.”  Two paws up for Delissio though.  Maybe the pepperoni tastes like cat treats.

Just got finished preparing my son’s taxes – and he owes.  This is terribly embarrassing to me as an accountant. (It was the working 3 jobs and not getting enough taken off issue).

In my defense, I suggested MANY times that he stop contributing to his TFSA and re-direct his automatic deductions to an RRSP.  He didn’t listen.

Then I thought about putting something into his RRSP for him.  But he didn’t want to owe me anything.  The kid hates debt.  But I hate paying taxes.  It appears we were at an impasse.

Then I decided that the only way he would learn to hate paying taxes as much as I hate paying taxes is if he actually had to pay taxes.  But apparently he doesn’t mind paying taxes.  I may have to disown him.

Fortunately this year he’s just working every Saturday for OT and will get enough deductions taken off.   Now I just have to nag him to get an auto-deduction to his RRSP.  Which I set up for him online.  Sometimes it’s ok to enable.

OMY = One More Year in the ER lexicon.

OMY syndrome occurs when you want to exit the work force, think you might have enough saved, but then you decide you want to beef up your contingency and reduce your risk register on the project.  (Bear with me, I’ve been working with too many PM’s (project  managers) lately).  So you defer other things you want to do to be able to sleep more comfortably at night – possibly for the rest of your life.

As a contractor / consultant, I tend to think more about OMM (not meditation, but one more month) and OMJ (one more job) a little more often.  Or TMJ (two more jobs) – but TMJ also means an acute and chronic pain disorder.

I fell walking home from the bus after work two days ago on the ice.  Straight back, hitting (mostly) my head.  It felt like what I would imagine TMJ feels like – headache, ear pain, etc.

Then I started thinking about this lady I knew years ago who had fallen while ice skating and ended up with a brain injury that affected her memory.  Then I started thinking about “what if’s” like if something like this actually caused permanent damage or eek! killed me.  What would I regret not having done?

I went to work the next day, despite feeling generally like a beaten carpet.  Month end you know – and the deadlines don’t change with your pain.  The managers who are a pain in the neck don’t really care about the pain in your neck either.

This time I’m thinking about TMM – two more months.  Two more months makes enough to live off for about NMM – nine more months.  Or a short winter trip or book and wine costs for the rest of my life in a decent yielding dividend stock.

There’s a line in concrete (or ice if you prefer – it’s about the same hardness when you fall on it IME) again this time.  The same one I drew 2 years ago.  For the same reasons.  To be able to travel this summer with my little guy.

I figure I have about TMY (two more years) before he won’t want to travel with MOM all summer anymore.  He’s already mentioned going to summer sleepover camp instead of going with me.

Thirty years of working and I’ve never had a pointy haired boss.

Until now.

A few months ago, I decided that I would feel less stressed at work and be able to walk away more easily if I stepped down from management and became an “individual contributor.”  For the same pay of course, my mama didn’t raise no dummy.  But I gave up something I guess I value more than I thought I did:  Control.

Here’s the conversation yesterday between me and the pointy one:

PHB:  Those bullet points are a little big, can we make them a bit smaller?

Me:   Do we have to?  Does that add value?  I mean we’re talking about multi-billion dollar projects here, does the font size of the bullet point matter in a management report that will be seen by only one VP?

PHB:  Well, I don’t like them.  Could you change them?

Me:  :Eye-roll:  Yeah sure.   This is why I don’t want to stay in this job.

PHB:  Really???  (giggle)

Later…

Me:  Oh, here comes the pointy haired boss.

PHB:  Am I?  (giggle)

Me:  Well, you’re not bald on top but your hair is short and a little spiky and you like to waste time playing with fonts and rewording things so they sound the same as they did before but just create more work.  So yeah, that’s pointy haired boss syndrome.

Me (internally):  You wouldn’t see the size of the bullet point if I put one right between your eyes.

This is good.  I’m happy.  Leave with no regrets.  Although I worry about the other captives held prisoner by the pointy haired boss.

Last week, we got a day off from work to do this personality theory testing thing similar to Myers Brigg’s and based on Jung’s writings.  I turned out to be an “observer”, one of the traits of which is to consider both sides.  So anyway, I’m too flaky / indecisive to be a life choice evangelist.

Sigh… it would be so much easier to have firm rules about life, money and what other people “should” be doing with their lives and money…

Oliver Burkeman wrote about life choice evangelism in his post today at the Guardian – here:  Life Choice Evangelism

LCEs are driven by the anxious insistence that whatever major decisions they’ve made – to get married, to have or not have kids, to sacrifice fulfilling work for a higher salary, or vice versa – are best for everyone.

The LCEs’ real motivation, you suspect, isn’t their certainty that marriage, or parenthood, or leaving the city for the country, would be best for you. Rather, it’s that they worry, perhaps subconsciously, that it’s not best for them: their efforts to persuade are an attempt to reassure themselves.

In other news, I made the mistake of cutting my own hair last weekend in a fit of annoyance.  It turned out better than it’s looked in a long time and I got mucho compliments (one of which was “you look very professional!”  Ha!)  So now I have to break up with my hairdresser, whom I really liked visiting with 2-3 times a year – $20 bucks for a cut, $20 for the tip…  Guess I just saved myself $100/year.

Here’s the method:  Pony tail method

Fortunately I wasn’t indecisive with the scissors.  But I’m not sure if anyone else should give it a try.

Tonight, I read more of Mr. Money Mustache’s blog but couldn’t stop the Chuck Norris jokes from swirling in my head.  It’s better than captioning LOL Cats photos – sort of.  I do like the kittehs.  Anyhoo, here’s the result of a pleasant hour with my son LOA’sO.  I hope you find them a bit amusing too.

1. When Otto von Bismarck established social security, he called Mr. Money Mustache to ask him what the cutoff age should be.  The cut-off age was 31.  Because there’s no way you shouldn’t be able to retire after 10 years in the work force.
2. When Webster defined retirement, he emailed Mr. Money Mustache to ask the definition.  The definition was “Congratulations.”
3. When the Michaux’s invented the bicycle, they had Mr. Money Mustache do the first road test.  Scratch that.  Mr. Money Mustache invented the first bicycle.  Those other guys just took the credit.  But Mr. Money Mustache is so magnanimous and giving, he let them have it.  Not “have it” as in “have it” – but, you know, have it.  Except Mr. Money Mustache doesn’t do credit.  OK, let’s forget this one and on to the next.
4. The government started up the Internet Retirement Police task force specifically to monitor Mr. Money Mustache.
5. When Mr. Money Mustache saw the definition of retirement, he didn’t like it.  So Webster changed it.
6. Under google’s “I’m feeling lucky” search option for the term “retirement”, all links lead to Mr. Money Mustache.
7. When Mr. Money Mustache’s pipes froze, one glare from Mr. Money Mustache defrosted them instantly.
8. When somebody says “Congratulations” – even if it’s for having a baby or getting married, that means you’re retired.
9. When Mr. Money Mustache’s bike gets a flat tire, Mr. Money Mustache can blow it up again by reading it one of his blog posts.   Or giving it a spoke punch.
10. The 2001 tech stock crisis was caused by Mr. Money Mustache’s announcement of his intent to retire early.
11. When Mr. Money Mustache is renovating your bathroom, he isn’t working, he’s relaxing.
12. The housing bubble popped when Mr. Money Mustache announced he was finished building houses and would start “buying used”.
13. Warren Buffett told Charlie Munger to f-off and run Berkshire Hathaway by himself after reading Mr. Money Mustache’s blog.
14. Obama retired Air Force One and bought a bike for himself and all of the secret service after reading Mr. Money Mustache’s blog.  For $300 on Craigslist.  He then sold Air Force One at a pawn shop for $2 Billion.  Win win!
15. Obama used tips from Mr. Money Mustache’s blog to slash the US $1.2 trillion deficit.
16. The Social security administration changed the retirement age to 30 after reading Mr. Money Mustache’s blog.
17. The Internet Retirement Police was officially created by the government because of the economy collapsing from massive numbers of people retiring after reading just one of Mr. Money Mustache’s blog posts.
18. You haven’t officially retired until Mr. Money Mustache congratulates you.
19. ECP president Mario Draghi has Mr. Money Mustache on speed dial to ask about the “Greece spending problem”.  Draghi wrote into policy the ability to give “face punches” to the PIIGS.
20. There was no sequester in the US, Mr. Money Mustache gave Congress a face punch, told them to quit being wussies and sent them for a time out.
21. When Mr. Money Mustache was born 30 odd years ago, the doctors told his parents “Congratulations” and Mr. Money Mustache knew right then and there he was retired.
22. When Mr. Money Mustache rides his bike, cars have trouble staying on the road with the headwinds.
23. When Mr. Money Mustache rides his bike, semi-trucks can hypermile in his backdraft.

Inspiration from Financial Uproar, Chuck Norris Facts and Tim Ferriss jokes.