I don’t feel I’ve done my “job” as a parent if I haven’t taught my kids good financial skills. I wasn’t taught about finances when I was growing up. And didn’t do that great of a job on my first go-around with a teenager.
What I knew about my parent’s modus operandi was:
- never spend money
- pay the boys, but not the girls – even if they do the same work
- don’t give your children access to money and keep them out of stores
- whoever makes the money, makes the rules
- women are dependent upon the generosity (or not) of men
- money isn’t meant to be used for fun
So I kind of went the opposite route with my oldest kid by letting him do whatever he wanted with whatever money he earned. He blew most of it on regular teen things like eating out, games, videos, books, an overpriced cell phone plan… In the process, he learned to save (pay yourself first methods), sort of learned to budget, learned how to write a cheque (no, it’s not intuitive apparently - some kind of weird generational mental block appears).
There are a lot of things that I still control with my oldest kid that I’m (very slowly) trying to transition over to him. Things like doing his own taxes – which I have a hard time letting go of. You know, being an accountant and all. Also things like understanding when you put money into a TFSA and when you choose to save in an RRSP instead.
Right or wrong, sometimes I go with his strengths, the greatest one of which is an abhorrence of debt of any kind – including owing his mom. So I do things like invest in his RRSP or pay his insurance for him (points on the CC!)… and have him pay me back. Hey – whatever works.
I’m of the mindset that until you can see that your saving efforts really are paying off in terms of more money in your (future) pocket, there’s not much motivation for younger people to save. So he’s learning at 24 what it took me until 40 to really get.
Best of all, I think my investment of time is paying off as he calculates what it would take to buy a house or condo, have a friend pay a big chunk of his mortgage as a roommate and save oodles of money that way. I wish I’d thought of that. 
Good parents give their children roots and wings. ~ Jonas Salk
Weird dynamic about the boy/girl thing. I saw it with my cousins as well, but since I was an only child and a girl, I was expected to take on boy tasks. I think it would have been different if I had a brother.
My oldest likes to collect things and that includes accumulating money. The younger one isn’t as interested opinion money and accumulating it meh prefers just to spend it.
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I got very mixed messages from my parents about money.
– save every penny you can
– everyone else gets ice creams, new toys, new (not hand me downs) clothes etc, but we don’t.
– if you stay at a farm auction until the end, you can get 2 pick up truck loads of stuff for a dollar
– if you go to the salon to get your hair cut instead of mum doing it with a bowl, you will be eating yucky stuff (those mystery packs of leftovers that have been in the freezer too long)for the next week
– every other year, go for a two week vacation on a plane to Disney World or England.
My mum tried to “help” me control my spending when I got a part time job, but me being a rebellious teen didn’t listen, her advice was too draconian at the time.
Now I’m 41, unlearning what I absorbed as a child and cleaning up the mess I created.
I hope I did better with my own child. She’s now 22 and has no debt, which is better than I was at that age.
It’s definitely not intuitive! But you’ve obviously taught your oldest well. That’s fantastic that he is making such wise choices now.
Something I really struggle with is how to help my kids with finances when we have everything we want. I was raised without much money. My kids have no problem saving their money because there’s almost nothing they want. I don’t know how to deprive them enough to motivate them. Should I make them pay for things we do as a family? For example, I’ve always agreed to pay for a meal out, but if they want a shake or something special, they have to pay for it. Should they always pay for their meals? Or should I just figure that this way they’ll have a nest egg built up for the teen years? That’s pretty much how it’s worked out for my oldest who’s never spent his money, but now is dipping into it quite regularly.
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Meh, you’re doing just fine, I think. You got the perspective down right, Jr. is being mentored at 24 instead of learning the hard way at 40. My own parents imparted not much of anything when it came to money matters. Plenty of other life lessons, but money’s not their forte.
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It sounds like the oldest is getting the message. I share his dislike of debt, and like you have already figured out, that can be used as a great motivator.
We borrow to invest all the time, because I work hard to pay down the borrowed investments.
Derek @ Freeat33 recently posted..The trick to being debt free is in understanding expenses.
Hi Derek – I don’t ordinarily borrow to invest. Did it in 2009 and again here in November. The yield on the dividends is > the interest cost, so no worries there. Like you said though, I will push hard to pay it back down since I don’t like the feeling of owing anything. Except the mortgage. It’s such cheap money I have very little urge to pay it off. Probably won’t until the balance gets to the point where it just becomes an annoyance and I want to get rid of it. As long as there’s no big opportunity cost there.
haha I was going to call my Hubby Derek and tell him about another great Canadian blogger I found and then I scroll down to see he already beat me here
It’s so crazy how different kids can be despite having similar circumstances. Crazy that growing up your parents only paid the boys 
Mandy @MoneyMasterMom recently posted..Know your Prices: Win $100 bucks!
Boys got paid—and inherited the business and then ran it into the ground.They are broke, but expect mom to leave them her money. She probably will cut the girls out of the will in the end.
Girls did not get paid—went to college (much to my father’s chagrin) and are all prospering.
The only financial thing I wish I could get over is that domestic work is beneath us. Hard to run a household that way. Dad had the money and paid the maid to keep my mom from complaining. I have no maid and had to figure out at 50 that if I want a nice house, it is a lot of work!